When babies cry it can be stressful and overwhelming. Help is out there and all you need to do is ask.

This week is ICON awareness week (25 to 29 September 2023) to raise awareness of infant crying and how to cope to support parents/carers and prevent serious injury, illness and even death of young babies as a result of Abusive Head Trauma that happens when someone shakes a baby.

ICON is a programme adopted by health and social care organisations in the UK to provide information about infant crying, including how to cope, support parents/carers, and reduce stress. Please see this short video for more information.

This is a charity doing amazing work.  The idea for the ICON programme and the different interventions within it was conceived by Dr Suzanne Smith PhD following a Winston Churchill Memorial Trust Travel Fellowship to USA and Canada in 2016 which included the study of effective interventions and research into the prevention of Abusive Head Trauma (AHT).

Research suggests that some lose control when a baby’s crying becomes too much.  Some go on to shake a baby with devastating consequences. Suzanne found that the most effective evidence-based programmes studied provide a simple message that supports parents/caregivers to cope with infant crying. 

ICON stands for: –

Infants crying is normal, and it will stop, after 8 weeks of age babies start to cry less.

Comfort methods can sometimes soothe the baby and the crying will stop. Think are they: hungry, tired, or in need of a nappy change? Try simple calming techniques such as singing to the baby or going for a walk.

Its OK to walk away if you have checked the baby is safe and crying is getting to you. After a few minutes when you are feeling calm, go back and check on the baby.

Never, ever shake or hurt a baby. It can cause lasting brain damage or death. If you are worried that your baby is unwell contact your GP or call NHS 111.

Studies show that a key trigger to a baby being shaken is the caregiver’s inability to stop an infant crying and the link between the normal age of peak crying around 6 weeks to 3 months.  Periods of crying should decrease by 4 to 5 months.  It also shows that around 70% of babies who are shaken are shaken by men.  So any prevention programme should include male caregivers and use the best opportunities to reach them as well as support all parents/caregivers with information about crying and how to cope with a crying baby.

Intervention points

The full ICON programme consists of 7 potential intervention points.

1. High School: Link to lesson plan and lesson

2. Hospital Based: Link to leaflet and script and commitment statement

3. Community Midwife home visit: reiteration of the 4-point message

4. Health Visitor Primary visit: reiteration of the 4-point message

5. Health visitor topic-specific contact: dedicated contact discussing normal crying and exploring how parents/caregivers are coping.

6. GP 6/8 week check

7. Any professional involved with babies to provide opportunistic support/advice.

ICON is approved for endorsement by the Royal College of General Practitioners (RCGPs). The ICON information has been included within the RCGPs Toolkit.

Please see the below for more information, tools and resources for ICON week: 

https://iconcope.org/news/20230904-icon-week-2023/

I always add the great work from the ICON programme in my safeguarding training, and all levels of our Safeguarding Children courses feature ICON.

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We offer consultancy, video conferencing, interactive training and blended learning on a wide range of safeguarding topics.  To find out more about the services and training courses delivered please visit our services >>  or contact us >>

Stalking – the Crux

Time and time again in my work with services and agencies of all types, I hear quoted that the perpetrator did not use violence, threaten the victim or abusive in any way and therefore the victim was not being stalked. Rubbish! This is just not correct.

Many victims of stalking say that they feel agencies and services trivialise their experiences and they are made to feel responsible.  This is most often the case with online contact from the perpetrator when victims of stalking are told to stop using social media.

Victims suffer around 100 stalking incidents before they report it

One incident that may appear trivial is likely to be the tip of the iceberg.  Research conducted by Lorraine Sheridan (2005) revealed that on average, victims experience 100 incidents of stalking before they first report it – a trend that continues to be reflected by national figures. Overall, it is clear that no one knows an exact figure for how common stalking is.  Therefore the behaviours of stalking that a victim suffers need to be thoroughly explored, to fully understand what the victim is going through.

What is stalking?

Sadly, there is no legal definition of stalking in the UK. “What?” I hear you say. That’s correct, there is no legal definition. So what is stalking? Essentially if the perpetrators behaviour is fixated, obsessive, unwanted and repeated, it is stalking.

According to research by The Victim Journey, the crux of the issue lies in the fact that it is how the victim experiences the unwanted contact as opposed to the contact itself.

The experience of unwanted contact or intrusion

Unwanted contact can be broken down into unwanted communications e.g. Telephone calls, SMS texts, emails, or messages via any other type of social media, they could be leaving unsolicited gifts or materials, graffiti and (dare I say it as it shows my age!) faxes.

Unwanted intrusions can be spying on, approaching, following, so called “coincidence” meetings, going to a victims home or workplace, vexatious complaints, threats, and damage to name a few and these are acts or omissions which are ones associated with stalking as determined by legislation. This is not an exhaustive list.

As can be seen, none of these unwanted contacts or intrusions state there needs to be a threat connected to them, violence associated with them or be abusive. All that is required is for these contacts to be unwanted. So let me repeat, the CRUX of the issue lies in the fact that is how the victim experiences the unwanted contact as opposed to the contact itself. As soon as this is recognised then stalking will be identified more readily and proper safety planning and investigations can follow thereby hopefully keeping the victim safe and stalkers themselves dealt with in a positive way which will divert them away from the victim.

John Trott is an associate with Safe-guarding.co where he offers a variety of domestic abuse courses and consultancy.  John is an expert on stalking and stalking investigation having spoken on the subject at national conferences, delivered training on stalking to the police, National Probation Service, social services, Health and Housing throughout the UK, been the CEO of a Stalking Advocacy Service, is an ISAC and continues to work with victims of services throughout the UK and Europe. John is also a Domestic Homicide Review Chair and Author and an Independent MARAC Chair.

About Us:

For more information on resources to develop knowledge of safeguarding please contact us.

We offer consultancy, video conferencing, interactive training and blended learning on a wide range of safeguarding topics.  To find out more about the services and training courses delivered please visit our services >>  or contact us >>

Understanding Unidentified Adults

The term ‘Unidentified Adults’ refers to an adult who agencies are not aware of, or not engaging with. They could be living within a household where children live or with someone who has regular contact with children. This can be in any capacity (such as parent, partner, grandparents, non-family member etc.)

It is important to ensure that when information is sought and responses are received regarding adults involved in a child’s life, that it is recorded within your agency’s records.

Top Tips for Identifying

The purpose of the ‘top tips’ is to increase professionals’ awareness and to assist in prompting professional to notice changes, outside of the usual contact. It may not appropriate for all professionals to question but to share information with the relevant agency.

• The main carer references to another person in a child’s life in conversations.
• Children refer to another unknown adult in conversation or through play/imitation.
• Presence of another person on visits/ contacts.
• Presence of another person at appointments and locations for example at school gate.
• Instinct or ‘tacit knowledge’ plays an important part. For example, someone else new in the house who appears to be ‘at home’ or taking on a caring role for the children.
• Physical evidence of another person which contradicts what you were expecting for example, personal possessions evident around the household, spare bedrooms in use / spare bedding visible.
• When someone is introduced as a family member which does not ‘fit’ with existing knowledge of the family situation.
• Other adult in the household who ‘removes’ themselves when the professional arrives.
• Information provided to a professional by a third party.
• Change in a child’s behaviour or primary carer’s behaviour.
• New adults answering questions being directed at the primary care giver or child.
• Falling into rent arrears.
• Changes to the condition of the property.
• New vehicles parking at the property.
• Change in children appearance or demeanour.
• Not keeping pre-arranged appointments.
• Constant presence of someone not known at the property/answering the door etc.
• Information may need to be flagged/checked/verified with another professional, not necessarily challenged by the worker at that time. Professionals need to consider asking partner agencies what information they hold about the child and family.

Top Tips for Engaging

• Introducing yourself or asking to be introduced to another person.
• Asking them to introduce themselves.
• Enquiring respectfully about other adults who may be in a child’s life who can offer support or who may need support. This information could be gained by aiming questions to the adult rather than the child – particularly if they are a single parent / working parent. For example – is there anyone who you can/do ask to help with things around the house or the children?
• All written communication should be inclusive of all key people in a person’s or child’s life.
• Being aware of person’s concerns about sharing information due to loss of benefits, implications for housing provisions previous experience of services.
• Offering the next contact at a time when the other adult can be present and noting the response to this, for example, happily accepted or avoided.
• Asking a direct question as to why they are at the property.
• Asking where they normally reside.

This poster can be used as a prompt for professionals and aid training on understanding unidentified adults.  ‘How do I notice an Unidentified Adult?’ poster by Hampshire Safeguarding Children Partnership © Hampshire SCP 2023 website toolkit here > 

For help and advice regarding safeguarding Adults and the services we offer please visit our website www.safe-guarding.co or email info@safe-guarding .co or ring 07980 264671.

Starting University

In order to gain a better understanding of what it’s like to be bereaved youngster, we invited a student who is an orphan to comment on her first-hand experiences of starting  university and offer recommendations.  This is a follow up blog from those posted in 2020 ‘Supporting a Bereaved Teen’ and ‘Teen in Lockdown’.

I am currently an undergraduate student studying BSc Criminology at the University of Bath. I have previously written blogs about what it’s like to be bereaved during lockdown and starting college. I am now 19 years old and I am here to share a little bit about me and my story so far.

Even though I had already experienced starting a new place of education in a different city, I still had the same nerves when starting university which surprised me. I assumed because I had been through this process before, I would feel less stressed about it. I think most humans naturally worry about change, especially when it’s a change to your lifestyle and moving away from home.  I think I was most worried about making friends.

On the topic of making friends, there are apps which help you get to know people at your uni even before you start. One of which is an app called Unify. It enables you to connect to people at your university studying the same course as you and you may even be able to find people in the same flat as you. Facebook is also a good way to do this as groups are made which you can add yourself to. I did not know about this one before I moved into my flat, but everyone got along really well when we all moved in which is often uncommon. Making friends was easy (just like it was in college). Everyone is in the same boat so there are plenty of people wanting to chat to you and vice versa.  However, moving in day was weird. Bath is the third place I have lived. It is very different to Lowton (where I am from) and Teignmouth (where my current family home is). It’s a beautiful city and I have really settled in well here.

Living at home in Devon in a family of 4 with my uncle and auntie guardians and little brother with 4 dogs is very different to living with people whom I didn’t know very well (yet). I found this change to be really challenging. It felt strange to be moving out, I had never lived apart from my younger brother before and moving to another different place worried me. This reminded me of when I moved down to Devon in lockdown to live with my uncle and auntie who I didn’t see that often when I was growing up. I remembered that it takes a while to get used to new people and make solid relationships, and so I had to take the time to get to know my new flatmates. By around November time, we were all close. We now regularly eat dinner together, have film nights, go out together stay in together and so on.

I didn’t know what to do regarding telling my flatmates that both my parents had died, so I didn’t. I don’t like people to feel sorry for me because there’s nothing to be sorry for, so I left it a few months before talking to anyone about it. When you are getting to know one another, parent typically come up as a topic of conversation, people ask what their parents do for a living et cetera, I kept quiet.

When I applied for the University of Bath, I made them aware that my parents had died and they told me to fill out a mitigating circumstances form. They said that I may get a university offer even if my predicted grades were lower than what they officially wanted. I received a high offer anyway, but it’s good to speak to the universities you are applying to, to see if they can help you with your circumstance. Since then, I haven’t spoken about the death of my parents to the university. The University has a bereavement helpline attached to most emails and there are multiple support teams to go to if I am struggling. I haven’t reached out to these at all yet.

I recently saw a Facebook post from an undergraduate student who lost her mum. She explained that the university has not helped support her which I find alarming, and this must be common in other universities across the UK. I cannot imagine how this girl is feeling, I know what it is like to lose your mum but not during further education which is already stressful enough. According to Research Gate, it is estimated that 30% to 55% of undergraduate students have suffered bereavement in the last 24 months. For a university to not proactively support their students in such difficult times, I think is appalling.

A lot of people tell you that university can be super lonely even though you live with your friends, but I never really understood what they meant. The first few weeks you are filled with adrenaline after fresher’s week and meeting lots of new people but then reality settles in. My course does not have many in-person hours, so I spend a lot of the time studying alone in my bedroom. When I am alone, I tend to think a lot. I begin to think of the loss my parents and the fact they didn’t get to see me get into one of the top 10 universities in the UK. I really miss them and being alone makes me miss them even more. During my first semester at uni, my self-care went through the window. I completely forgot about it.

One of my favourite things to do is have a bath but I don’t have a bath at Uni, so I had to find new things to enjoy. During Semester 2, I joined the gym with flatmate. I began going 3 times a week and it has been great. It makes me feel good about myself and helps me to clear my head sometimes. When I had bereavement counselling in 2020, I was advised to journal about my day including my feelings. This is something I have stopped doing but I’d really like to get into again (hence this blog!). I have also been in a relationship for over a year, and we are currently in a steady long-distance relationship as he is at university in Cardiff. This has helped with my sense of stability, and he is only a phone call away if I am having a bad day.

In late November/ December time, you begin looking at houses for second year of university which I think is quite early on as you haven’t known anyone for long. I had grown good, solid relationships with my flatmates so six of us are living together next year. We all clicked. This is when some of my flatmates found out about my parents. We had to sign many forms such as contracts and guarantor forms, so we were all asking each other questions. I didn’t know if this process would be any different for me as I have legal guardians. I ended up talking to my flatmates about this and they were super nice about it. They didn’t ask me tonnes of questions or get awkward, so I was grateful for that. It hasn’t become a topic since, but I know I could go to them if I was upset.

Christmas came around quickly, and after three months of living away from home, It was time to go back for the holidays. I had around 1 and a half months off as I had at-home assessments rather than exams. It was weird going back home, I had moved into my brother’s old bedroom so he could have my old ensuite bathroom, but it really didn’t feel like I was home. Most of the things in my room at uni are from my old bedroom, so uni feels really homely. I didn’t have the same familiar space I used to have at home. Beside this, I also had to change my routine. when you live independently, you have your own way of doing things so when I was at home, I was hard to get back into the routine at home and having to do things differently. I don’t have as much freedom as I do when I live on my own and I don’t have many friends nearby. Apparently this sense of not feeling at home is common after moving out to go to uni.  New décor and furnishings have helped, it’s clean and cosy, and I have personalised my space a little bit. But it will take some getting used to.

The other thing I found hard was going back to work. I work in a Psychiatric Intensive Care unit for the NHS, so it isn’t the easiest job in the world. I was really worried going back for the first time as I hadn’t been in months, I would have new patients to meet, new staff members and the constant stress about what was going to happen that day. After my first few shifts, I was a lot more relaxed, and I find my job very rewarding. I feel a sense of fulfilment having a job where I get to help people who are struggling with their mental health.

However, I was really looking forward to going home and having a dishwasher, good washing machines and not having to cook every day. I enjoyed spending some time with my family before I had to go back to uni. Additionally, I feel more loved and supported as I have a stronger foundation at home now. I love regular facetimes and the our group chat about random stuff too which keeps me up to date with what’s going on so when I come home I don’t feel as though I’ve missed lots of stuff. 

Going to university also gives you a lot of financial independence. Being bereaved due to a parent’s death and being 19 years old, means that I have a lot more financial situations to sort out with the help of my legal guardians. I had received a letter in the post regarding my mum’s old pension and a change of contact information after my father died. I had to do lots of investigating to do, such as making phone calls and visiting old banks to search out old bank accounts – which I think was great practice for the future. It was really tricky to navigate this, but my auntie and uncle helped me with every step.

You soon discover that your flatmates become more that just friend when you’re living with them. We spend every evening together. We do film night, pre-drinks, nights out and just sit in a chill. I am very lucky to have good relationships with all my flatmates, I know a lot of people who don’t get on well with theirs. I think this is bound to happen though as people have very different personalities.

I have thoroughly enjoyed my time at university so far and I find I have only the odd days where my grief gets to me. Through having counselling, a couple years ago, I understand that this is normal, and I have learnt ways to deal with it. Grief will never go away and it’s something that I will always experience but it is important if you are bereaved, that you understand ways to cope. If you are starting uni as a bereaved student, make sure that the university know. It could lower the grades for your offer, and you are more likely to be told about the services available to support you. Your flatmates and friends won’t judge you or look at you differently but don’t feel pressured into telling them that you are bereaved. Take your time.

I’m nearly at the end of my first year now. It has flown by. As much as I’ll miss my friends for the 3 months we will be living apart, I can’t wait to spend time with my family and friends from home over the summer break. After spending Christmas and the odd weekends at home, I have gotten used to my new space and home feels more like home again, it just took some time getting used to. I also love that this semester specifically, I have always had a date in the diary booked in for the next time I am coming home. 

Writing this blog encouraged me to read back previous blog I have written. Whilst reflecting on them, I have realised I am lot calmer, settled and feel less pressure. It has enabled me to see how much I have grown over the past few years which is something I am proud of.

Safe-guarding.co is very grateful to this young student for openly sharing experiences and recommendations for this blog.

Useful Resources for Bereaved Teens:

If you feel like grief and sadness is interfering with daily life, talking to a GP may help, they can suggest some options to offer more support, or may refer to Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (CAMHS) or bereavement counselling.

Grief is a process and the need for support or counselling can come at any time. This is why it doesn’t matter if it’s a short or long time after your loss, you should ask for support whenever you think you need it.  Please see the below links for additional resources:

Winston’s Wish

Hope Again

Grief Encounter

Marie Curie

Young Minds

Childline

Samaritans

About Safe-guarding.co:

For more information on how to support schools/ colleges and resources to develop staff knowledge of safeguarding in learning environments, please contact us.

With the ongoing concerns about the spread of the Coronavirus (aka COVID-19) we have changed the way we work to ensure that we continue to deliver high quality safeguarding training courses.  Our ethos of “Doing the Right things to Do things Right” is being achieved via our distance learning courses and we offer video conferencing, interactive training and blended learning on a wide range of Safeguarding topics.  To find out more about the services and training courses delivered please visit our services >>  or contact us >>

The Danger of Incels – how the internet is radicalising young men

You may recall the dreadful case in Plymouth in August 2021 when 22-year-old Jake Davison shot himself after killing five others including a three-year-old girl. The Plymouth attacker who was a licenced firearms holder, expressed misogynistic and homophobic views and portrayed himself as a man in despair who raged against his mother and his failure to find a girlfriend. The inquest is currently taking place in Plymouth.

One of the key questions for investigators was what, if any, role his belief in “Incel” (involuntary celibate) culture played in his murderous decisions. His motive was never established, but, following the incident, Davison’s Youtube account was found to feature videos of Davison talking about Incels and using terminology and ideas linked to the subculture.

Incel Culture & Misogynistic Manosphere

Meanwhile, controversial influencer Andrew Tate made headlines recently when he was arrested by Romanian police as part of a human trafficking and rape investigation. The 30-year-old former kickboxer rose to prominence through his misogynistic content.  Tate is known as one of the prominent faces of the ‘manosphere’. The manosphere is a wide range of misogynistic content aimed at men. A key aspect of the dark side of the manosphere is its proximity to ‘Incel culture’ which has risen online over the last few years.

Whilst ‘Inceldom’ / Incel culture and the manosphere may be a niche subculture engaged in by a small, but vocal, minority, it is impacting the main-stream and influencing young men. Its ideology has begun to spread among teenagers and particularly young boys at secondary school age.

Incels – A Form of Radicalisation

Examples of misogynistic manosphere content creators range from Pick Up Artists (PUAS), Men’s Rights Activists and MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way). Many of these videos, podcasts, forums and articles all centre around prejudice against women and are in direct opposition to feminism, with some having connections to the far-right. The real concern at the moment relates to not necessarily Incels themselves, but people promoting Incel and misogynistic messages and microaggressions.

In September 2021 the National Grid for Learning (NGfL) published learning relating to ‘Incels’ and the ‘Manosphere’. 

What is it all about, why are Incels and the Manosphere a danger to others (and to themselves) and how can we proactively identify concerns?

There is a very interesting Q and A media clip between Professor Veronika Koller and Dr Mark McGlashan who studied this area as part of the MANTRap project. Topics covered include:

• Incels and Manosphere- what are they? Are they new?
• Why do we particularly need to worry about this area? What is the red/blue pill? What do they believe about women?
• What are the links to race, racism and far right? What’s a Chad?
• Language- What words should we look out for/understand?
• What messages can we send home to help families?
• Primary schools- why and how is this area relevant for younger children too?

Click on the link below for access to the full Q & A session >

https://national.lgfl.net/digisafe/incels

Takeaway messages published in this session were:

Incels are part of a large, sprawling, and ever-changing network: the Manosphere.

• Incels post a risk to themselves, to women and girls, and to gender relations.
  • Certain words and phrases are typical of nanosphere, including incel, language: femoid/foid, roastie, hit the wall, looksmaxx, cuck, simp, AWALT, LDAR…
• Apart from words, members of the manosphere:
  • compare men against women in absolute and emphasised ways
  • often draw on genetics and evolutionary psychology to do so
  • believe that society has been hijacked by feminists and is biased against men
  • see women as duplicitous and having the power to hurt men, but also as sexual objects

Please note that showing an active interest in the world of Incels/ the Manosphere is a Prevent issue. Follow normal CP and Prevent referral procedures for your school and area for matters relating to Incels

For more help and advice regarding safeguarding consultancy and training visit our website on www.safe-guarding.co or email [email protected]

About Us:

For more information on resources to develop knowledge of safeguarding please contact us.

We offer consultancy, video conferencing, interactive training and blended learning on a wide range of safeguarding topics.  To find out more about the services and training courses delivered please visit our services >>  or contact us >>